On the evening of 2016-08-06 - or maybe it was slightly after midnight on the day after - I was apprehended by police on Västerbron, when walking towards what was supposed to be my death.
I wasn't unhappy. My life wasn't bad. I had just reached a point where nothing mattered anymore, and nothing made me happy. After having spent a day in the sun with friends, it was just time to go.
Obviously things did not go as I had planned, and I was confined to an asylum for a couple of weeks.
This is the album that was written during that experience.
I believe this one was written in the very room pictured on the album cover.
Feelings of helplessness, anger and a slight case of cabin fever were fueled into a mishmash of distortion and noisy drums. The lone voice sample reverberated with my state at the time.
A mashup of step-like distorted growls, classic arpeggios and an octave bass. Something that just materialized in my sequencer one day when I was feeling focused but with nothing to focus on.
Also written in the day room, if I'm not mistaken!
Built mostly from dragging loops into the sequencer timeline, this was a different process than usual. This track contains something extra ;)
Written in my room, with specific parts (quite obviously) added at a later time.
About halfway through incarceration, this happened. I felt the need to have some vocals, and I was browsing through Allihoopa for acapellas when I stumbled upon Beklynn Music who had posted something that caught my ears.
I mangled her voice into oblivion, as one does, but the words I stole from it fit right into what I was trying to achieve.
Mostly written in the sofa in the day room.
A dissonant ambient piece, with a heavy dose of rain. Cobbled together on the bed on the cover, on a particularly grey day.
Absurdly stretched additive synthesis has a special sound to it, and I dove deep into that pool..
An attempt to describe how my mind works during a panic attack, something I lived with for quite some time. I had a really hard time finishing it, since it kept triggering me..
A dirty, breakbeaty, guitary kind of piece, representing the cavalcade of thoughts running around my head every night before the pills kick in.
A single instrument and some improvisation led to this.
After "Sleepless" described how my brain races at night, this is the opposite, this is dreamland, this is relaxing.
Drums meets synths meets guitars meets chopped and processed strings in a slightly chaotic piece.
This marks the final chapter of the time in the asylum, and also means the end of anything chaotic on the album, leaving two remaining mellow tracks to round things off.
Something more mellow and melodic, named after one of the rooms in the ward - with fat boys, weighted covers and white noise.
Spent some time there after having an anxiety breakdown when trying to go home to pick some stuff up. I woke myself up by screaming.
This one is a bit special, since it's one of a few tracks with a very explicit symbolism to it.
Plan 0, or floor 0 as it would be known in the common tongue, is the ground floor of the building where I was held. Throwing subtlety to the gutter, this is my goodbye to the place I was, and my hello to the place that comes after.
Written during the final days, sitting at a table near the telephone booth.
Produced, Mixed and Mastered by Tomas Danko
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